March 1999

My little buddy turns 9 this Sunday, March 23rd.



My story of Buddy’s birth is quite a bit different than mine of my daughter. Not so much the birth but the story leading up to it.

November 1997 I started working at a new company after leaving the comfort and stability of a oh-so-boring job with the Government I had for 11 years. The people were very nice and the atmosphere was a lot of fun. After 5 months of working there a guy caught my attention and we began to talk, a lot. I learned that he had recently separated from his wife. We hung out often usually hiking or biking. It was a fun time for me and I was quickly falling for this "guy". I had just turned 30 and was having the time of my life. My daughter and I were just about to move into our own apartment – things were great!

We moved on July 19th 1998 and that following Wednesday I found out I was pregnant. The same day this “guy” told me he and his wife decided to work things out and were getting back together. I remember feeling so helpless and so alone and so stupid. How could I be so naive?? I waited a week before I told “him” – and his response was “I can’t be there for you and/or the baby”. I knew I’d have this baby all alone. I cried so hard during those days. I didn’t know what or how I was going to tell my daughter. How was I going to tell my family?

I don’t remember what day it was that I told my mom and sister but I do remember the day I told Ashley. It was Halloween of 1998 and was only 7. She was so confused and so upset – she felt that by me having another baby, I’d love her less. I remember her crying in her room and me crying outside her door – both of us not knowing what the future was going to be like. Over the next few months Ashley embraced the thought of a baby brother coming into our lives. She would love to feel him kick and would talk to him all the time.

Even though I was alone I was so happy. Even though I had to face “him” everyday at work and not let on that I was hurting (I had way too much pride to let him know) I was still happy because of my baby boy. I didn’t want anyone at work to know about “us” so I never told a single soul whose baby I was carrying. Looking back now, I have no idea how I did it or where I found the strength to do that. We are a lot stronger and get through a lot more than we think we can.



March 15, 1999 was my last day of work and my last day to have to see “him” everyday. I walked out of there so happy and felt so free. Finally!

My due date was not until March 23rd. I spent the week up until the birth getting everything ready. My family and I were so excited for the baby to be born. My dad flew into town so he could be here when the baby came.

I remember going to the doctor on Monday, March 22nd for my regularly scheduled appointment. Everything looked great – my midwife Anne (the same one that delivered my daughter 8 years before) asked if I wanted to induce the following day, my due date (I love punctuality). Of course!!! I ran out that day picked up items for my labor bag and got a pedicure (toes have to look cute up in the stirrups).


I was so excited, yet scared to death of what the future would be like.